Where I’ve Been

Yes I know, I disappeared. I haven’t been around for what? A number of months now. So before I dive right back into the world of makeup I figured I owed a bit of an explanation. 

Life got crazy. Too crazy I suppose. I was working 5 days a week (a normal amount for sure) and spending the other two days with my kiddo (who can believe he’s a year old now?!?!) while all the while my desire to write anything just disappeared. I was angry constantly. Work sucked. I hated the people I was around, the atmosphere I was in, and being away from my kid. When I did have time to write I just plain didn’t want to. I was in a slump.

Then we found out we were going to be having another baby. Which scared the shit out of me. Because even though we had talked about having two eventually I never really believed it, and this definitely wasn’t planned at the time. So on top of my anger and feeling constantly tied to a job I was hating; I also got super emotional, was tired all the time, constantly gagged, and was now in a constant panic about my cervix. So if I hadn’t felt like writing before I definitely didn’t feel like it at this point. 

Then came the end of August. S had finally gotten confirmation on his new job and training dates so he put his notice in at work (we worked at the same place. I think I’ve mentioned this before but can’t remember). Besides getting a new job there were a lot of political reasons he was leaving. Namely a super front of the house bitch, a person I had spent two years telling him was a bitch and would try to fuck him over but he tried to think better of her than I ever did. Anyway after having been asked who should take his position and a number of other things they put this bitch in an even bigger position of power, causing S and the other guys in the kitchen to feel disrespected (even more so than they already had been) and taken advantage of. So they walked out. The whole kitchen staff walked out. 

Obviously this put me in a bit of an awkward position because I was working and did not walk out. I did enjoy watch int the backlash that night though. It was most deserved, though certainly not professional. At that point though there was the matter of worrying about looking professional or holding to your own personal morals and ideologies, and they chose to stick to the latter. I knew it would be hard to be around because for some reason they thought S had orchestrated the whole thing and that it had been planned (he didn’t and it hadn’t, though they had offhandedly joked about walking out in the past they never expected to actually do it) which means everyone was talking shit about S. I’m not one to just stand by and let people treat my family like crap and that night when I left one of the owners asked if I would be back. I told her “yes if you can keep L and her stupid, bitch sister from talking shit about my boyfriend then I planned on it, and that if she couldn’t than I would probably rip L’s face off.” Again, not professional but I grew up at this place and had known the owner since I was born, so formalities were behind us years ago. However when she looked at me and said “oh I doubt she would ever say anything” I knew what denial everyone there was in about this person and I knew I wouldn’t be back.

Besides all of that these same owners had spent he summer completely allowing customers and other businesses we worked with to treat our office staff (the department I worked in) disrespectfully and had started talking down to us out of the blue. A staff of four who had worked there for 5 years at the lowest end and 20 at the most. Add all of our years together and you would have about 35 years worth of experience between us. Of course we made mistakes but there is a difference between constructive criticism and berating your employees. This all added up to me deciding to walk in the day after and leave my keys on my desk. So the end to this huge portion of my explanation is that I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest when I walked out of that place for good. It also frees up a considerable amount of time that I can spend with my child (which I have very much been enjoying) and writing. After a month it’s something that seems to be flowing from me with remarkable ease!

On top of that we had my cervix checked and it is 4cm!! That’s unheard off well, ok it’s average but we had been lead to believe that it was nearly impossible to have an average lengthen cervix in pregnancies following one where your cervix had been 1.5cm. No progesterone over here! At least not yet, we will still check the cervix but it won’t be bi-weekly. Likely it will be another one around 24-26 weeks and then I’ll b done. That’s so much less invasive than biweekly vaginal ultrasounds. It’s so astounding how “normal” this pregnancy has seemed so far.

We also found out we will be having a girl! We’ll have the perfect sized family. If you believe in perfect. It will be nuclear at least, I do believe everyone’s perfect sized family is different and since I will definitely be going through with a tubal ligation regardless of how this pregnancy works out, it means that this family size will have to be perfect. Perfect for us. 

To sum all of that up, since I feel as though I just wrote a book, I’m back! For real this time. Not like last time when I thought I was but then went through a large bit of angry writers block. I can’t wait to start reviewing and discussing the world of makeup again! Oh, and don’t think I’ll leave out my pregnancy. There will be lots of that sprinkled in between. Until then though I’ll leave you with these words from Terry Pratchett;

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”

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