After finding out last week that I definitely have a shortening cervix they put me on progesterone and limited bed rest then scheduled a follow up ultra sound for today to see how things were progressing. We got okay news.
Things are exactly the same. This is good because it means things aren’t worse and I am so very grateful for that. It also means that the progesterone is doing it’s job. It’s bad because a part of me was hoping for some sort of progress. I (unwisely) have read about progesterone helping to thicken your cervix, but these are rare cases. So for the time being everything stays the same as it is and we will have follow up ultra sounds every two to three weeks.
At the next appointment we will also meet with the maternal-fetal medicine doctor who comes up from Portland. Knowing we will actually be meeting the MFM specialist and he will be looking over the tech’s shoulder as she does the scans, reading them, makes me feel much more comfortable. I also feel like he may be able to give us more information (not that there is much more we can actually be given) and answer our questions more thoroughly. Not that our doctor didn’t answer thoroughly today, he absolutely did, but there is always a little more ease hearing answers from someone who specializes in the area. Even if they are the same answers.
All of this also means no Connecticut. As disappointing as this is I do also know it is for the best. Ultimately the doctor did leave the decision up to us. He said he didn’t think it would cause anything to happen but he wouldn’t recommend me going because if it did then I would blame myself for going forever. Touche Dr.K. You are correct about that. So we decided it was really in our best interest to stick around here, even though I could be on bed rest in Connecticut.
Now comes the decision of do we go to Boston on the 14th? For the last 6 years I’ve been a Red Sox fan I have been to at least one game a season. My little brother has recently gotten into baseball and plays himself. He is graduating from High School and not going to college so I bought tickets to take him to his first game, as well as booking a hotel room. This would be a simple over night stay, not the long week stay that Connecticut would be. At the same time, I know it isn’t wise for me to push myself too hard. I don’t want to disappoint him, and at the end of the day I know he would understand. He’s actually very excited about the baby and would be devastated if anything happened to it so I think he more than understands, but it was a special trip for the two of us. So I’ll wait until closer to that date to make a decision, but ultimately I doubt we’ll go.
Now I know that no change is good yet for some reason I balled my eyes out today. I still feel extremely let down by my body. Like it just doesn’t want this to work for us. I also am angry. I’ve lost one baby, I don’t want to go through that pain again. Ever. To top off those thoughts Saturday will be a year from the date we found out we were expecting that baby. It’s not an easy time for me and all of this added pressure isn’t helping.
On the positive side I need to keep telling myself that my cervix didn’t get worse. That’s good. That’s very good. We want it to stay that way. We want as much time as we can possibly get. Also, as I type this, the baby is bouncing around like a crazy thing, and he looked awesome on the ultra sound. I am crossing my fingers that he is equally as stubborn as both S and I (something he seems to be so far) and decides he just doesn’t want to come out early because he doesn’t feel like it. Right now that is really all I can ask for.