As I mentioned earlier I’ve been sick. Head and chest cold sick, not morning sickness sick. I’m at 9 weeks 3 days today. For the past week I’ve had an insufferable cough that has practically forced S. out of our bed at night because it keeps him awake, a nose that is so stuffed I can’t seem to smell anything with it, and a splitting headache every time I’ve looked at a computer screen which was making work a complete ball. Luckily it has gotten much better in the past two days. My cough is drying up, I can make out slight scents, and the headache has completely gone. One thing at a time I suppose.
I’ve also lost any sort of optimism I had with the ultrasound last week. Through the end of week 8 to now it seems as though most of my symptoms have weened like crazy. My boobs are only slightly tender, typically when I lay on my stomach, I haven’t been queasy at all, and until last night the stretching in my uterus had lightened a lot. I know that this typically happens going into the second trimester and it isn’t at all uncommon for it to happen early during weeks 9-10 but after a missed miscarriage you can’t help but be paranoid about these things. I’ve constantly been reading old baby boards on babycenter to convince myself this is all normal, which seems to be helping for the most part. I have also peed on a couple sticks (apparently that is a habit that will never really go away lol) and they’re still nice and blazing. My uterus stretching has really picked up since last night through today which has eased my mind probably more than anything else.
I suppose what I really need to do is learn to calm down and just take the easy while I can because there are definitely going to be times when I don’t feel this good. It’s sad that after going through a loss you can’t just enjoy the good times, the easy times, the lack of symptoms. So many people don’t understand why I would give my lack of symptoms away for steady morning sickness. One more way to know that things are going like they should.
However, I find even just writing this post is easing my mind and making me realize how neurotic I’ve been and that I’m very likely just fine. I need to go back to that way of thinking I was in when I was trying to conceive in November, and just roll with everything. Positivity is better for baby than negativity. My next appointment is in 3 weeks so I will no for sure then and there really isn’t anything I can do to change it if this doesn’t go the way I want it to. So I just have to ride everything out. Of course, that is much easier said than done.
– ❤ S.