I’m not sure what my deal is but I’m not as crazy about trying to conceive this cycle. I’m not saying I don’t want to conceive, I very much do, I just seem to be less crazy about it this cycle. For example, I’m not obsessing about temping like I usually do. I’ve been doing it and my cycle is looking much less crazy this month but I don’t reach right for the thermometer when I wake up. I spend time cuddling and joking around with my BF, and basically enjoying our early morning time together. I also took an OPK today but after pretty much forcing myself. I just don’t feel like caring about them, but I did order them for this cycle so I might as well use them. I know I O on day 13-16 and I have been temping so I don’t really need them. In some ways they just help confirm that my temp spike really was O.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m feeling very loose and free about this cycle. So much less stressed. Less stressed to the point that if we don’t conceive then it won’t be the end of the world. I am in a really good place in my relationship right now. The sex has been fun again and our mutual respect for one another is probably at one of the highest points it has been since we got together, and right now that is good enough to me. It was like I had an epiphany last night. Our baby will come when the time is right. I know it isn’t that easy for a lot of people and I don’t really expect it to be that easy for me. I guess what I’m saying is that while everything else in my life is on a good track it helps me to stay positive about this whole having a baby thing. When I say our baby will come when the time is right I’m not saying it will come easily or the traditional way, maybe it won’t even be our own flesh and blood (though adoption would be a very last ditch and expensive effort, it is something we have talked about if there comes a time that all of our options are exhausted) but we will make something work.
I’m just trying to stay happy with how things are right now with us. I have someone who loves me and who I love very much. I can’t need much more than that. Eventually we will have our someone to love unconditionally in a way that we can’t love each other, but right now we are just fine together.
Maybe this is a good sign. Maybe taking the stress out of trying to have a baby is what we need.Or maybe tomorrow I’ll feel differently and I will go right back to obsessing. I’m not sure but for today I’m going to bask in this happiness for as long as it lasts.
– ❤ S.