Trying to Conceive

Just a Little Crazy

Right, I’ve been a slacker. So Monday we went on a mini-vacation to New Hampshire for a food show. My F and I work at the same company, he’s head chef and I make reservations and coordinate weddings. I really have nothing to do with food and had no reason to go to this show except that it was paid for by work and we really needed to get away, even if just for a day or two. So we drove down to Manchester on Monday and spent the night on Elm Street trying different food and drinks. I also ovulated, but didn’t really expect to. Yes I was at day 15 and my OPK had been darker, but it wasn’t as dark as they have been in the past (probably because I took it in the morning because I knew we would be on the road in the afternoon) and my temp dip wasn’t as big a dip as usual. So I figured Tuesday would be the day. That would also be on par with my cycle day 16 ovulation date last cycle. We hadn’t been BDing because we just had been so tired. Luckily Monday night we did and it was stress free, unlike some of the fertile window BDing we had been doing in the past. Probably because we were on vacation. We were away from work, had let loose, and were able to take a breath and just not think about things. I wasn’t thinking about ovulating like I usually do either. It was just a a nice, as close to romantic as we’ve been in awhile, get away. So the whole time I think I won’t ovulate until Tuesday and then my temp spikes and my OPK was significantly lighter on Tuesday. “Shit.” Was my thought. Why wouldn’t it be? I was thinking we had at least Monday and Tuesday, maybe Wednesday if we want to take the day after O BD chance. Needless to say I’ve been thinking I was out (though we did BD Tuesday also.) Of course I’ve tried to stay positive and tell myself “all you need is one try, one egg.” Still, it’s so hard to believe that, but it’s been my mantra the last 6 days.

Of course, I’ve just assumed that I didn’t catch my egg so the last week has been fairly stress free because I’m essentially just waiting for AF to show up on the 7th. Then yesterday I have a temp dip (which by no means do I trust an implantation dip because I know they are fairly inconsistent and the research seems to prove that IPD is pretty much relevant because sometimes it happens when you don’t implant and sometimes it does when you do) and then today I have a huge temp rise and slight cramping on my left side. I’ve also been exhausted the last few days even though I’ve been getting 8 hours of sleep each night. Really body?? Screw you. Now I’m going to spend my next half of the TWW symptom spotting even though I know I’m being insane. When I was pregnant before I knew it, I just feel different. I don’t feel different this time, just crazy. Of course I always feel crazy, but it seems even more crazy this month. Especially having barely BDed.  It would have been so much better if I was just thinking AF was coming and been oblivious, that way a BFP would be a surprise and AF wouldn’t be a disappointment. Now I feel like every morning I temp I’m just going to be nervously waiting for my pre-AF temp drop and when it does happen it will be way more disappointing than if I had just been thinking it was coming. Damn it. I’m sure it will also make me start POAS like a crazy woman starting on the 10DPO. You know, it’s tough knowing your insane but not being able to stop yourself.

I’m just going to try to de-stress myself, finish some books, and make it through to what I am sure is an inevitable AF. Then we try next cycle. Of course that is always easier said then done.

In all my craziness,

– ❤ S.

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